Pure Joy

As I listened last week to a sermon before work from Steven Furtick, I  thought about his words "faith is strengthened by trials". This is so true and especially resonates with me during this time in our lives. He talked about how things don't get strong on their own. Think about it. A muscle doesn't get stronger unless you challenge it. A marriage is stronger when a trial or hard time is overcome. Relationships thrive and grow over time and through experiencing the ups and downs of life together.

The trials we have been enduring haven't been walked through by Tyler and I without questions, doubts, fears, anger, and just downright ugly times. But, that's okay....our faith won't waiver, it's just getting stronger. One of the things Furtick spoke about was the "heros" from the bible. Abraham endured some pretty low times-yet he was the father of many nations. I mean, think about it, he slept with his wife's servant in order to father the child that God had promised him. Because it hadn't happened in the time frame Abraham thought it should have, he grew impatient, and went on with his life how he wanted to, instead of waiting on God's timing. Were there consequences? Yes. Did it ultimately grow him, and strengthen his faith? Yes. Did God turn his back on him? No. It was a faith builder. A relationship strengthener. And ultimately, despite his mistakes, he went on to give his best effort and follow what the Lord asked of him. If you only looked later in Abraham's life and the legacy he left behind as the father of many nations, you might think it was easy, that he just had it all together and never had hard times or times that really tested his faith. But that's not the case for him, and it's not the case for most of us today.

I guess this message he spoke on really made me think about where we are today and where we've been over the past years. Tonight, we looked at a video of our engagement-we were young, skinny (I just had to throw that in there!) and life was easy. We had not faced any really hard times in life and we only had high hopes and dreams for our future. At 19 and 21 we had no idea what was ahead for us. My dreams were typical of a 19 year old newly engaged girl-we would get married, have children (without any difficulty conceiving), have good paying jobs, and live in a pretty house with a big wrap around porch and white picket fence.

 Is that how my life looks today? Some of it, yes. But the details, namely the not so good times, that have been woven in over the last 10 years are the things that have strengthened our faith and grown us closer together and in our relationship with the Lord. Someone told me the other day "You are so strong, and you make this look so easy". It was a compliment, but it was almost hard to hear.

It's not easy, and some days I'm anything but strong. Some days I panic to the point of going numb with fear of our future and have to call my husband on my way home from work to cry. Some days I just feel done with it all and want to throw in the towel and run away. Some days I pick fights with my husband about how dirty the house it just because I'm angry and need someone to take it out on. Some days I feel completely overwhelmed with the amount of time it takes to stay on top of the medical bills, the doctor's office phone calls, the insurance company appeals, the therapy appointments, and then just life in general as a working mom of two and wife. Then, there are days where I'm stronger and Tyler has the same bad days I had. We always laugh at the end of a bad day about how thankful we are that at least one of us stays sane and can talk the other one off of a ledge if we needed to!

During the hard days and times I turn to my husband and God in prayer and usually within a short time, I've been lifted up and reminded of the good in my life and the fact that this journey isn't without a purpose. I usually remind myself of Romans 8:28:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 

I know that God is working things for our good. His good probably doesn't look like my version of good, but His way is always better and come eternity, I will look back and see how it all fits together. In James we are also told to, Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.


It's so hard to "consider it joy" at times. I think we equate joy with happiness and that's why it seems so hard. But we have to remember that happiness is directly related to our circumstances whereas joy occurs regardless of our circumstances. 

I'm so thankful for God's word to renew and lift me when times are tough because this life as a special needs mom, wife, and nurse isn't always easy nor does pure joy come without work.