Lately, I've thought a lot about my son and what's in store for him in the future. I've wondered what kind of person he will be and how the differences in Tyley Sue's life will make such a drastic difference in his. I've thought about the "negative" things; like how punishments will be different for them both, and he may not understand that at first; about how expectations will be different for them both, and, again, he may not understand that at first. I've thought about the fact that there will be times of embarrassment for him-I think that would only be natural at times when you think about how she may never "act her age" when in public-or anywhere for that matter. I've anguished over the thought of him feeling less important due to the immense time it takes for us to help Tyley-and it may always be that way. I feel heart broken when I think about all of the needs Tyley Sue has and wonder how I can be enough for them both. How can I provide every opportunity for therapy and progression, make every doctor appointment and IEP meeting for her and still never miss a beat of a "normal" life for Elijah? It will be done, by the grace of God; but I never want him to know the struggle. I never want him to feel like he's in second place. I never want him to fell less important. Because he isn't! He's such a joy in our lives- and not that our Sue Sue isn't; but there's no way to compare the two! One is not loved more than the other-just differently.
I not only think about the possible negative things, but I also think about the little boy that I'm raising to one day be a man....and how I have the perfect ingredients to make him a man of God, a man full of compassion, love, understanding, and empathy for others. A man who is humble and strong, a man who doesn't think twice about putting others before himself, a man who is always looking out for the good of others and to serve others. I think about how these qualities will ultimately make him one heck of a friend and an amazing husband and father one day.
I think about his future wife and right now, how he's already stolen my heart, and how he will steal the heart of his sister soon enough (currently, she doesn't pay him much attention, but I think that will change as he interacts with her more in the future); and I know that there will be a girl one day that God has designed just for him and she'll fall, for my son....for my Elijah. She'll fall for the man that he is; but what she won't see is that he started out as a toothless, grinning, slobbering little boy who came in mouth open wide to give his momma some loving. She won't see him teetering around trying to find his balance to walk. She won't see the way he looks at me unlike anyone else. She won't know how much love I have for him until she has one of her own. All she'll see is the man that his daddy and I are raising him to be....and the man his sister is raising him to be.
When we were in Maryland with Tyley at the NIH after all the testing was completed on Tyley and we met with her doctor to discuss all of the results from that week's testing, and she asked if I had any questions. The only question I asked was,
"How in the world do I balance hope and faith for her healing, yet remain realistic about her condition and prognosis at the same time?"
Her response was telling me what to expect-so I hopefully wouldn't be disappointed. She also went on to share with me about other special needs families and she mentioned thinking about future needs for Tyley physically as well as financially for. She then looked at me and told me to remember Elijah Ray and what role he plays in all of this. Her words pricked my heart as she told me that I would have a son who would look at life differently, see people differently, and be a much more compassionate person because of his sister.
So, my son's future probably looks a little different than most of your sons; but it's okay. We all are given different life circumstances for God to use to shape us. The life that God chose to drop Elijah into is going to be hard at times, but this life, namely his sister, will prepare him for so much. I doubt that he will ever be the boy partaking in the bullying of others who are different. I dare to say that he will be the one to stand up for them. He won't be the one to snicker behind the back of the class mate who falls behind because of their disabilities. He won't be the boy who mistreats girls because he will know what it's like to take care of a girl who can't take care of herself and he will see his Daddy do the same for his sister and his mother. He will be the epitome of love and compassion-really showing what the love of Christ looks like. He will know what it looks like to love with an agape love- no strings attached, no expectations. Much of the world loves because of what others have to offer. I would actually say that most of us love that way. He will learn to love when nothing is given in return at times. What better way to learn how to love his future wife than that?
All I know, is the woman designed for my baby boy is already being prayed for. She will have a man like no other, and he will love her and take care of her and lead her because of all of the practice he will have in his lifetime leading up to her. His sister, especially, is teaching us all so much. Lessons we would have never learned without her. Lessons that have and will continue to grow us, strengthen our faith, and allow us opportunities to teach others.
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