You know there are some days where you feel like you have it all figured out, like you have "arrived"; and then there are days where you think life is impossible and you can't win for losing. Evidently,some time back when I wrote this post here, I thought I had "arrived" at all of the answers and just really "got" it all. Now, here I am today, reading over the things I "learned" and I'm realizing that I'm learning them all over again in new trials and circumstances. So, I am going to update my list a bit; still using some of the same basic ideas from my post a few years back and reflect on what I have learned recently and what God is teaching me at this time in my life.
1. God is teaching, growing, encouraging, trying, and loving us all-EVERYDAY. We will never "arrive" on this side of eternity. Through our adoption process, I learned so much about myself and my faith grew tremendously. I saw God at work and it was amazing to rely on Him and trust Him every step of the way. From the darkest days in the process to one of the greatest days of my life, He was there.
2. God sometimes allows pain in our lives to reveal our hearts. Not because He's mean or wants to test us.
Update: You don't just have one trial or period of pain in your life where He does this. Sometimes, our hearts need revealed again. Sometimes, we get too comfortable with life and our faith needs stretched and grown again. We tend to get to a place of complacency as believers when things are going good and we need to be reminded how much we need Him.
3. God doesn't reveal the big idea, the whole picture, the step by step plan of how it's all going to work because He wants us to keep coming back to Him for the next piece of information we need. If we had it all, why would we need Him?
Update: Thank God He doesn't reveal it all. There was a day where I thought I would love to see the big picture, but now I have realized that I couldn't handle it. We are so small in comparison to this world and God's plan that we can't handle any bigger pieces to the puzzle than He already gives us. I'm thankful that He gives me a piece at a time and that it forces me to come back for more.
4. God is good. No matter what. His timing is perfect, and mine is not.
Update: This is still true. No more no less. We shouldn't ever question that He works all things for our good. We may not be able to see it from this limited perspective that we have, but His word tells us that this is true.
5. Adoption is expensive. I didn't think we could afford it. But when you lay it all at His feet, and let Him have control, He will provide. It's amazing to watch Him work in a way that you know is humanly impossible.
Update: Adoption is still expensive for us :) Usually the big costs stop occurring once the process is done, but in Tyley Sue's case they are still there. God has blessed us with jobs to pay our bills, put food on the table and even supplies our wants and desires. We have prepared for rainy days and a rainy period of time, but in the case of life long special needs care....Well, you can never prepare for a rainy life. I love my rainy life, but again, you can't possibly prepare for the medical costs of it all; especially not by the age of 28.
I am so glad I went back and read this old post because this right here is the truth we all need "When you lay it all at His feet, and let Him have control, He will provide. It's amazing to watch Him work in a way that you know is humanly impossible. " There was a time when Tyler came home and told me He felt he needed to quit his full time job and pursue ministry fully, even if the pay wouldn't be as good. He felt convicted and knew that God was asking Him to step out on faith and trust Him. I however, didn't get the memo. God didn't clue me in on the provision and how this was all going to work. (This was just as I sent off our clearances for our home study for our adoption process too). So when Tyler told me of this word from God, I thought I was going to die. Real life stuff here, folks, yes I believe in God and should trust Him with it all, but this about did me in. I got in the floor like a mad woman and wrote down all of our bills and how much money I made and very dramatically drew a big negative sign with how much in the hole we would be if he followed through with this. It's hard to walk by faith and be practical at the same time; for me it usually takes a few days to find balance between the two. Tyler and I let it rest and we didn't talk about it for a week while I searched God for answers. I searched his word, I prayed, and I prayed more. God gave me a peace about it and I knew that I had to let Tyler lead us in these kinds of decisions, so I called him at work and told him to turn in his notice. A week later, he got the opportunity to work part time doing ministry with hospice while he also worked part time as a student pastor. God provided. Even when the numbers didn't add up, and if that had been my benchmark for a decision, we would have missed out on the opportunity to minister to others in multiple ways. Now I'm currently watching God using his people to bless us in regards to Tyley Sue's needs-I'm seeing things come together in a way that is humanly impossible. It's humbling and overwhelming all at the same time.
6. Just because I'm adopting, doesn't mean I don't ever hope to conceive, but because I'm adopting, I'm okay with never conceiving.
Update: I'm so thankful that God allowed me to become a mother in two different ways. For Tyley Sue I labored for years-with paperwork, home visits, and interviews. I was okay with never conceiving, but I did still hope to. Finding out I was pregnant with Elijah Ray was so exciting for me. I had seen God answer my prayer in an almost immediate fashion-which is nice to see every now and again. My prayer to take away my desire to be pregnant or to allow me to become pregnant soon was heard and answered!
7. The past year of preparing for adoption has been the most scary, awesome, nerve wracking, humbling, uncomfortable experience ever, period, the end.
Update: Take out the "ever, period, the end." Adoption was scary and awesome and uncomfortable. The trials we are currently facing with Tyley Sue trumps it though! We are on a path for which doctors have no answers for us, it's all up in the air. We don't know what God's plan is for her or for us. We know that regardless of His plan though, we will remain faithful. We want Him to use her and our testimony to reach others. That's what this life is about anyways!
8. New one here! I have learned you have to let God use your trials. We shouldn't hide or shy away from sharing the hard times in our life with others when it can bring glory to God. Imagine if we never shared our stories, our burdens, our praises? This is how God can use us to reach others. I am thankful for my journey through infertility because I've been able to help countless other women through their journey as well. I'm thankful for my adoption journey, because again, I got to be apart of helping families comes together! By sharing God's calling on our lives to adopt, we have talked to other couples considering adoption and answered their questions and have watched them celebrate their "gotcha day" too. I'm certain that God is going to use my current journey with Tyley as well to reach others. God has used and will use some of the hardest times in our lives to reach other; and it would be a shame to pass up the opportunity to point the praise back to Him.
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